A friend asked me what having cancer feels like. I told her it doesn't feel like anything. Physically anyway.But your head changes. Your head says that cancer feels like death. Your head thinks that way because that is the way that the world taught it to think. The fear-based world.
So, I went with that for a while. I wasn't really scared, but I did think over my recently created family trust account. Was it in good order? Anything else I needed to add in? What about a burial plot? Should I get one? Would I hurt at the end? Who will pluck my chin hairs and color my gray roots when I can't anymore? You know, that kind of stuff.
Then I decided 47 is too young to die. Surely there must be an alternative.
I thought about my friends and family. I carefully watched their reactions to my news and discovered that I have a strong, no-nonsense, ready-to-do-battle team standing right behind me.
I thought a lot about simple things. The sky is bluer today, did I have those flowers last year, wow that tastes good. Stuff like that.
Then it dawned on me. Cancer feels like a paradigm shift. A new opportunity. A means to refocus a meandering life journey. A new appreciation of those that I love. A chance to give the gift of giving. An excuse to eat more shushi. And many more new medical terms to Google.
That's what cancer feels like to me.
